By the time the director yelled “Cut”, Adrianna had already dreamed of her shower at least three times. The man’s vile sweat soaked her, and the stench of hollow lust filled the room, nauseating her. The three letter word was what she had been waiting for. She hurried to her Dolce & Gabbana dress shirt and Parasuco jeans, barely responding when the male actor had informed her that her brown roots were visible and that she could use another dye job on her bright blonde hair. It was a rather normal occurrence to be given tips on how to improve her physical appearance.
“I didn’t want to overshadow your comb over,” she snapped back, staring him in the eyes.
“Same time tomorrow sweetheart,” the director interrupted.
“Yup,” she responded sternly.
“Oh and next time, try to smile more,” he suggested.
The cold wind hit her violently as she stepped outside. It only took a second before she reached into her purse, pulled out a cigarette and got into her Lexus. A cigarette was the only thing that wiped away the glazed expression she wore during filming. It was a habit she started shortly after her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer, and she hadn’t been able to quit since. As she drove past the local Adult Film store in downtown Montreal, she kept her eyes stubbornly fixated on the road, never once wondering if any of her films were sold there.
Her routine was always the same after work. She stepped over the newspaper strewn across the floor of her apartment, immediately brushed her teeth, and removed her clothes slowly, looking around to make sure no one was watching. Consciously ignoring the mirror, she stepped into the shower. She loved the way the water felt dripping down her soft skin after a day of work, but it was never enough. She always spent the last few minutes of her showers furiously rubbing soap on every inch of her body in an attempt to rejuvenate. She was rarely satisfied with her attempts.
While walking from the bathroom to the kitchen, she was entranced by the photograph that adorned her wall. She walked over and studied it like a scientist looking at D.N.A. It was a simple image of a mother, a daughter, and a son on vacation. Her mother, who had passed away six years before, smiled proudly. Adrianna never forgot the promise she had made five weeks before the cancer won. Yes, mom, we’ll both be fine. She shook her head and shifted her attention to her former self. She hardly recognized the young brown haired girl, still a second year McGill student at the time, locking her arms tightly around the chest of Bryan, her younger brother. Bryan looked so young, she thought, compared to the mature-looking 22 year old he is now. She usually spent about 10 minutes a day looking at the picture. Whenever the anger took over the sadness, she knew it was time to walk away and carry on with her day.
Just as she was about to close her eyes, she heard the jingling of keys which informed her that Bryan was home.
“How many times do I have to tell you to keep the newspaper on the table, not the floor?” she asked before he had even taken two steps inside their home.
He ignored her, grabbed a coke and turned on the 42” Plasma television as he dropped onto the leather couch.
“I’m talking to you,” she snarled. “I bet you didn’t even look at the classifieds, either.”
She stood with her arms folded waiting for an answer, then gave up. She sighed and walked over to the sink to clean the dishes that Bryan had left from earlier that day. Over the sound of the tap and her scrubbing, she barely heard him mutter “Nobody good is hiring. I don’t wanna work at McDonald’s or something.” She stopped immediately, raised her head slowly, and slammed on the tap to shut the water off.
“You don’t always work because you love it. You work because you need the money! I’m so sick of you complaining about not wanting to do shitty work,” she said.
“Easy for you to say, you work at a bank. How hard can that be?” he replied.
She had learned not to flinch when he mentioned her fictitious job.
“Yeah, it’s real fun Bryan. I can’t wait to get up every morning. It’s like all this stuff, the car, the furniture, the t.v. are all just gravy.” Bryan shut off the television instantly, and his eyes widened.
“You think I like this? Having to ask you for help all the time? Not having twenty bucks in my pocket to take my girlfriend out, having to borrow money off you to get a bag of chips? I never asked for you to take care of me!” he yelled at her. The silence was uncomfortable, and Adrianna was going to hold back, but couldn’t.
“No Bryan. YOU didn’t,” Adrianna said in a lowered voice as her eyes stayed focused on his. She poured herself a rum and coke quickly and went straight to her room, leaving the dishes undone.
Staring out the window in her cramped room, she was unable to concentrate on anything. As she brought the glass to her lips, she noticed that her hands were trembling uncontrollably and that the rest of her body was shivering. She looked at the cigarette pack on her table. Disappointed that it was inevitable, she pulled out a cigarette, licked her lips and lit the smoke as she turned her attention to the moon. The night sky was comforting to her, as though it held a serenity that the day never could. She noticed two figures walking on the sidewalk, and she squinted her eyes to examine them. A man and a woman were holding hands. The woman had a coat draped over her back while the man was obviously cold, walking with just a T-shirt on. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander, imagining their lives. Perhaps they were young lovers on one of their first dates, she thought. Maybe they both go to the same college and met through a class. Perhaps they were all each other had. When they exited Adrianna’s field of view, she turned her head and accidentally caught her reflection in the mirror on her desk. She immediately turned away, closed her eyes and downed the rest of her drink.
Adrianna walked back into the living room where Bryan was still watching television. He ignored her presence and continued staring at the box. She walked up from behind him, put her hands on his shoulders, and kissed the top of his head before going to bed.
As she was trying to fall asleep that night, she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She thought about the way the male actor’s hands would be handling her breasts the next day. She thought about the way he would peel her skirt up and aggressively massage her thighs. She thought about his tongue caressing hers. She finally closed her eyes, and rolled over on her right side, facing the wall. She pulled the covers tightly to her chin, and fell asleep.
The next day was unseasonably warm. Adrianna awoke at 7:00 a.m. and showered. Although she normally woke up at around 9:00 a.m. she was not tired at all. Before leaving the apartment that morning, she took a long glance around inspecting it to make sure it was left in a pristine state for the day. When she was satisfied, she turned the light off and tapped the wall beneath the switch a couple of times before heading down the stairs to her Lexus. The car seemed to be driving smoother than normally. When the clock hit 9:30 a.m. she smiled and imagined the director pacing over and over, checking his watch every five seconds because she was late. He hated when the actors were late, but she was not worried. As she was accelerating on to the 401, she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and without hesitation, threw it out the driver’s side window. After the seven remaining cigarettes spilled onto the highway, the next three cars crushed all of them, but she never looked back to see it.
“I didn’t want to overshadow your comb over,” she snapped back, staring him in the eyes.
“Same time tomorrow sweetheart,” the director interrupted.
“Yup,” she responded sternly.
“Oh and next time, try to smile more,” he suggested.
The cold wind hit her violently as she stepped outside. It only took a second before she reached into her purse, pulled out a cigarette and got into her Lexus. A cigarette was the only thing that wiped away the glazed expression she wore during filming. It was a habit she started shortly after her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer, and she hadn’t been able to quit since. As she drove past the local Adult Film store in downtown Montreal, she kept her eyes stubbornly fixated on the road, never once wondering if any of her films were sold there.
Her routine was always the same after work. She stepped over the newspaper strewn across the floor of her apartment, immediately brushed her teeth, and removed her clothes slowly, looking around to make sure no one was watching. Consciously ignoring the mirror, she stepped into the shower. She loved the way the water felt dripping down her soft skin after a day of work, but it was never enough. She always spent the last few minutes of her showers furiously rubbing soap on every inch of her body in an attempt to rejuvenate. She was rarely satisfied with her attempts.
While walking from the bathroom to the kitchen, she was entranced by the photograph that adorned her wall. She walked over and studied it like a scientist looking at D.N.A. It was a simple image of a mother, a daughter, and a son on vacation. Her mother, who had passed away six years before, smiled proudly. Adrianna never forgot the promise she had made five weeks before the cancer won. Yes, mom, we’ll both be fine. She shook her head and shifted her attention to her former self. She hardly recognized the young brown haired girl, still a second year McGill student at the time, locking her arms tightly around the chest of Bryan, her younger brother. Bryan looked so young, she thought, compared to the mature-looking 22 year old he is now. She usually spent about 10 minutes a day looking at the picture. Whenever the anger took over the sadness, she knew it was time to walk away and carry on with her day.
Just as she was about to close her eyes, she heard the jingling of keys which informed her that Bryan was home.
“How many times do I have to tell you to keep the newspaper on the table, not the floor?” she asked before he had even taken two steps inside their home.
He ignored her, grabbed a coke and turned on the 42” Plasma television as he dropped onto the leather couch.
“I’m talking to you,” she snarled. “I bet you didn’t even look at the classifieds, either.”
She stood with her arms folded waiting for an answer, then gave up. She sighed and walked over to the sink to clean the dishes that Bryan had left from earlier that day. Over the sound of the tap and her scrubbing, she barely heard him mutter “Nobody good is hiring. I don’t wanna work at McDonald’s or something.” She stopped immediately, raised her head slowly, and slammed on the tap to shut the water off.
“You don’t always work because you love it. You work because you need the money! I’m so sick of you complaining about not wanting to do shitty work,” she said.
“Easy for you to say, you work at a bank. How hard can that be?” he replied.
She had learned not to flinch when he mentioned her fictitious job.
“Yeah, it’s real fun Bryan. I can’t wait to get up every morning. It’s like all this stuff, the car, the furniture, the t.v. are all just gravy.” Bryan shut off the television instantly, and his eyes widened.
“You think I like this? Having to ask you for help all the time? Not having twenty bucks in my pocket to take my girlfriend out, having to borrow money off you to get a bag of chips? I never asked for you to take care of me!” he yelled at her. The silence was uncomfortable, and Adrianna was going to hold back, but couldn’t.
“No Bryan. YOU didn’t,” Adrianna said in a lowered voice as her eyes stayed focused on his. She poured herself a rum and coke quickly and went straight to her room, leaving the dishes undone.
Staring out the window in her cramped room, she was unable to concentrate on anything. As she brought the glass to her lips, she noticed that her hands were trembling uncontrollably and that the rest of her body was shivering. She looked at the cigarette pack on her table. Disappointed that it was inevitable, she pulled out a cigarette, licked her lips and lit the smoke as she turned her attention to the moon. The night sky was comforting to her, as though it held a serenity that the day never could. She noticed two figures walking on the sidewalk, and she squinted her eyes to examine them. A man and a woman were holding hands. The woman had a coat draped over her back while the man was obviously cold, walking with just a T-shirt on. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander, imagining their lives. Perhaps they were young lovers on one of their first dates, she thought. Maybe they both go to the same college and met through a class. Perhaps they were all each other had. When they exited Adrianna’s field of view, she turned her head and accidentally caught her reflection in the mirror on her desk. She immediately turned away, closed her eyes and downed the rest of her drink.
Adrianna walked back into the living room where Bryan was still watching television. He ignored her presence and continued staring at the box. She walked up from behind him, put her hands on his shoulders, and kissed the top of his head before going to bed.
As she was trying to fall asleep that night, she lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She thought about the way the male actor’s hands would be handling her breasts the next day. She thought about the way he would peel her skirt up and aggressively massage her thighs. She thought about his tongue caressing hers. She finally closed her eyes, and rolled over on her right side, facing the wall. She pulled the covers tightly to her chin, and fell asleep.
The next day was unseasonably warm. Adrianna awoke at 7:00 a.m. and showered. Although she normally woke up at around 9:00 a.m. she was not tired at all. Before leaving the apartment that morning, she took a long glance around inspecting it to make sure it was left in a pristine state for the day. When she was satisfied, she turned the light off and tapped the wall beneath the switch a couple of times before heading down the stairs to her Lexus. The car seemed to be driving smoother than normally. When the clock hit 9:30 a.m. she smiled and imagined the director pacing over and over, checking his watch every five seconds because she was late. He hated when the actors were late, but she was not worried. As she was accelerating on to the 401, she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and without hesitation, threw it out the driver’s side window. After the seven remaining cigarettes spilled onto the highway, the next three cars crushed all of them, but she never looked back to see it.
*****
When Bryan got home that night, he noticed the silence immediately. He ignored it, and went about his usual routine of a coke and television. At the first commercial break, he let his eyes drift. They instantly caught the white envelope on the top of the television. Curious, he got up and walked over to it. Bryan was written on the front, so he tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter.
Bryan,
Everything is yours. It should last you a while until you figure it all out. I’ve heard things were more laid back out West and I’ve always wondered what that meant. Guess I’ll find out soon. You have my cell number, so call it when you need to. Love, Adrianna.
He pulled out the 1500 dollars in the envelope, stared at it for several minutes, then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He nervously smiled and shook his head, then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He rummaged through the newspaper until he found the Classifieds section with all the highlighter marks she had made for him.
When Bryan got home that night, he noticed the silence immediately. He ignored it, and went about his usual routine of a coke and television. At the first commercial break, he let his eyes drift. They instantly caught the white envelope on the top of the television. Curious, he got up and walked over to it. Bryan was written on the front, so he tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter.
Bryan,
Everything is yours. It should last you a while until you figure it all out. I’ve heard things were more laid back out West and I’ve always wondered what that meant. Guess I’ll find out soon. You have my cell number, so call it when you need to. Love, Adrianna.
He pulled out the 1500 dollars in the envelope, stared at it for several minutes, then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He nervously smiled and shook his head, then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. He rummaged through the newspaper until he found the Classifieds section with all the highlighter marks she had made for him.
